Sunday, May 10, 2009

31 Drug Dealing Techniques that work Perfectly in the Dating World

31 Drug Dealing Techniques that work Perfectly in the Dating World

Drug Dealing is just about the best job you can have right up to the point you're led away in handcuffs. I mean, you drive a BMW, wake up at noon, have tons of friends, make lots of money, don't work (much) and you have an endless supply of drugs, booty, drugs and drama.

What's not to love?

Unlike dating, drug dealing is a cut throat industry. The methods have been refined to a point of A-B-C's and if you ignore them you usually get shot, arrested or strung out. Well, in the dating world pretty much the same rules apply if you think about it. And the results of not following the rules?

Getting shot (down), arrested (by fear) and strung out (by some dude/chick who just does not give a damn about you!)

Let's get to the list.

Drug Rule #1 - Locate your Clientele -There are people who want your product. A lot of people want your drugs. More than you think. But not everyone. You have to figure out where you're going to meet your Clientele. If you just wait around for them to show up... you won't do much, if any, business.

Drug Rule #2 - Do Drugs - While an all around bad idea - it's the easiest way to make the transition. The same with women/men - if you 'do' enough of them you'll find that falling into a long term relationship with one is pretty easy (although it will wreck you and leave you a shaking, emotional mess)

Drug Rule #3 - Invent, discover, or steal the recipe for the most addictive drug you can find. Know what people are addicted to and have it ready to distribute.

Drug Rule #4 - Have a low maintenance "Front". Some reason for dealing with the people you deal with that's not "all obvious and sh%t".

Drug Rule #5 - Rename your drug to it doesn't seem like every other drug out there. Talk about the amazing, new, powerful, exciting, ground breaking effects of your drug.

Drug Rule #6 - Buy a Safe - Drug dealers get robbed. A lot. Same goes with daters... keep your emotions in a safe. Be very careful about who has the combination (you're only really safe if you are the ONLY one with the combo!)

Drug Rule #7 - Give people free samples of "your sh%t" to show them how good it is. Don't worry they will tell all their friends that like the same kind of sh%t. Their friends might show up on the DL (down low - "secretly") but sooner or later they will all come (if you have good sh#t.)

Drug Rule #8 - Let people know how your drug will solve their problems.

Drug Rule #9 - Dealing to minors will get you in a HEAP of serious TROUBLE!

Drug Rule #10 - Encourage people with influence to hype your drug in exchange for free drugs.

Drug Rule #11 - Sometimes minors are the best customers.

Drug Rule #12 - When introduced to a new potential client start off by saying you don't deal drugs. And never admit that you have drugs on you. First, he might be a snitch/cop. Second, you create a heightened expectation about your product if it's unavailable.

Drug Rule #13 - Imply that your competitors are dangerous and unreliable but make it sound like a compliment.

Drug Rule #14 - Always make "the big buy" in the dealer's home. That way everyone knows that you know where to go if someone gets screwed.

Drug Rule #15 - Decide if you want this customer just today or for life. If it's for life - give him the good sh%t.

Drug Rule #16 - If someone wants to measure the product... let them.

Drug Rule #17 - Don't talk about personal stuff. Everything is off limits but the weather, sex, drugs, sports, government screw-ups, aliens, hair, music and video games.

Drug Rule #18 - Customers are not friends. Friends are friends. Customers are for drugs only.

Drug Rule #19 - Know how to fight. As soon as a fight's necessary, hit first and fight to the death if necessary to make them give in.

Drug Rule #20 - It's okay to trade drugs for oral but you can't do it all the time or you'll end up with no drugs and then no customers.

Drug Rule #21 - Don't front anyone drugs. Everyone pays for drugs, every time. Or guess what? They walk away with the drugs free and clear and go to a different dealer next time. There are plenty of dealers in the sea.

Drug Rule #22 - The only secret to being a good dealer is... Good Product.

Drug Rule #23 - If you want to get high off your product make sure you're not the only one and everyone else is paying. Don't let people treat you like a "booty call".

Drug Rule #24 - No matter how fun it is... getting kids and pets high is not funny or cool. (I'm talking to you, Jack a$$!)

Drug Rule #25 - Drop the dime on your supplier only if you're looking at more than 18 months of misery. (He would do the same for you, if it makes you feel any better.)

Drug Rule #26 - Treat small buyers like crap.

Drug Rule #27 - Greed will make you lots of money and eventually send you to jail. Greedy Dealing, like random club-sex, will get you 18 years to life before you know what hit you.

Drug Rule #28 - A nice car helps.

Drug Rule #29 - Since you deal damage - don't date people hooked on damage.

Drug Rule #30 - Authorities will only crack down on you if you're dealing outside of your crowd.

Drug Rule #31 - Don't ever give up on Drugs - they change people's lives.

There you have it. The 31 best rules to follow when dealing drugs and dating!

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